life is a roller-coaster

Saturday, December 20, 2008 @ 8:46 AM

I'm sorry, guys.

I have turned myself into a monster and even acted like one all because of trying to “fit in”.

A monster that lost the friends who talked to you when you were lonely and kept you company when you’re bored. They were the first real friends I had in the place I felt alone and they gave me a new meaning to the word “technology”.

I still wanted to “fit in” in that place and unknowingly, I slowly turned away from the strong bond we had. The laughs, the cries, and the parties.

And now every time they talk, I want to talk, too, but I feel I’m invisible to them.

I want to start a conversation with them, but I don’t know how to start one because I don’t know what’s up from them.

I want to hang out with them again, but I feel I don’t deserve to be hung out with.

I don’t want them to pity me when they see this, I just want them to know that I miss them – yes, I miss you, guys – and it wasn’t my intention to go away (my desperation just had to control over me and I’m sorry). I’d do anything to be friends with you again and I still miss all the conversations we keep having.

I don’t know what’s happening with me anymore. The way I act when you see it, it’s really not me in real life. In real life, I always have the smile knowing I love making friends. I don’t easily get mad at people and I don’t have the courage to even hurt them. But I just did.

All I want to say is I’m Sorry.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008 @ 2:49 AM

Finally!

I have updated both my LiveJournal and Buzznet with a blog :)
So I made some entries in LJ public.. Sharing =D

Tuesday, December 9, 2008 @ 8:21 AM

A Letter to St. Anthony

I wish I could blog about what's happening but I can't find the laptop :(

If I blog in this computer using Blogspot or Word, I won't blog at all because there's a DSL connected to it and DSL connections bring you to unlimited access; and unlimited access means you can do whatever you want.

When I blog, I want full concentration from the heart and mind.

So please, laptop, wherever you are, appear before me, I have so much to tell!

Tuesday, December 2, 2008 @ 1:59 AM

Found out..

.. a new band!

They're the Honor Society and I can't believe I just found out about them!

And they're like a bunch of CDs I'm craving for and only a few of them are found in here. What a bummer, Philippines. But good thing the PATD: Live in Chicago is available except that I'm still literally broke.

Monday, December 1, 2008 @ 6:00 AM

Tired and Sick

I can’t believe it.. For the first, I cried in front of Mom and asked for her help, showing that I am tired of doing the things that I shouldn’t be doing. But what if I don’t take action? Then it leads to nothing. I get tired from working so hard while the people around me take credit for what I did and learn nothing.

I want to get mad at those people but why can’t a sound come out of me?

I want to stop this and go to bed but what will happen tomorrow? I’ll still be taking responsibility.

I want them to show what they’ve been doing to me but I don’t want to be like them.

I want to give them the responsibility they should be doing but MY grade would be affected.

And then I learn NEVER TO GET INVOLVE IN SCHOOLWORK WITH THEM even if they’re my friends.

@ 4:25 AM

Stupid Prom

Who cares about fucking prom?

Basically, for a lot they do, well for me, I don’t.

I may not feel the excitement right now because it’s still in two years and I have a lot of things to think about than prom but why should we talk about it this time when grades matter more than stupid prom?

Mom has been bugging me since she bought the matching tiara, necklace, and earrings during our stay in Hong Kong. I ignored it simply but this night, I can’t believe I screamed at her, which I don’t usually do.

“Mom, ano ba!”

Then she shut up.

I was pissed that time while I was trying to find a way of completing – not cramming - the technical report for our Investigatory project – it’s the same issue I’ve always been facing when it comes to group projects, if you know what I mean – then Mom had to speak up. That might be the reason why I screamed.

Mom suggested I take my male neighbor as my prom date. What the hell? We don’t even take anymore and I don’t even know how old he is! The family of that dude is from a family of dudes. His father, duh, and his siblings are all guys while his Mom is the only girl. I don’t know which guy Mom is talking about because there are three dudes but I’m guessing it’s the youngest – for the fact that they’re all older than me and the eldest is like 20 something.

Why should I have a date who I don’t even know in prom? Is having a guy beside you the most important thing in a promenade? I’d rather be dateless or just don’t go to prom than have a stranger ruin your night.

preface

Everything I state in this page are words of truth and reality. I am not a perfect person. I know that I have been given life to see how the world works and revolves. At this point of my life, I say that I understand life in ways that move like a roller coaster. That is a fact. I am Janella and this is how it flows in my world.

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